My Insanities

I talk, I bathe and I weep. So what? Everyone talks everyone bathes and everyone weeps. Its not like I hunt, I kill or I kick asses…which I very much wish I did under certain circumstances at least. So what is it about my talking, bathing and weeping?

I am obsessed…So is it one more to the list? No, I am obsessed with talking, bathing and weeping.

Fear not, I don’t talk to real people who are kind enough to stop by and greet me. But I talk to myself. Sometimes quiet, sometimes loud, always with vivacious expressions and at times with exaggerated hand movements. You can secretly observe me doing this mostly when I am in the passenger seat of my car, or when I am in the middle of my lengthy make up rituals or when I am in the company of boring people. I wouldn’t encourage you to secretly observe me when I am in restrooms or fitting rooms, so we can cross that off the list. In short when ever I am not engaged in any sort of meaningful or meaningless activities, I talk. I talk with real life people I know, in an imaginary context or some times in a previously occurred context. I talk my part of the dialogues while I clearly visualize the other person(s) delivering their part in front of me. Just like in real life, the other party can be mean to me at times. But in my imaginary talks, I grant myself the freedom to rewind and improvise my dialogues if I feel the need.

I must have started this habit in my teens to prepare myself for an elocution competition, or to face my secret crush. This even helped me in interviews, group discussions, television shows and emceeing. During my college days I was over occupied by my real life friends, activities and never ending phone calls. I could talk non stop over the phone for a whole night and yes I had friends who would patiently listen to me through out the night. But once I came to the land of opportunities, I got practically tongue tied as none of my close confidantes or patient listeners are around. My current room mate, who also happens to be my lawfully wedded husband, believes in the principle of KISS. No, he doesn’t mean one of those mushy hallmark kisses, not even the creamy Hershey’s kisses. He meant “Keep it short, stupid”!! So there I am, all alone with no one to engage in my never ending conversations. The mocking smile of my calling card bills increased my pain. Thus once again my imaginary hub of people came alive around me.

I adorn various personas while in these conversations. My age, profession, location, accent and even attitude changes with each persona I choose. I can easily fit into different peoples’ shoes and feel how it feels to be them. I have political debates with world leaders and pep talks with glam girls. I involve in managerial strategy talks and give lectures on how to improve our entertainment industry. The best part of all is that I always have my close ones around…SB and LN brings me all the good news I want to hear, SS advises me what to do next in every stalemate situation, PR corrects my accent when ever I go wrong and TK chides me every time I goof up.. I made GK and SN thoroughly understand that I am way too good for them and I repeatedly tell AV and MM how much I still miss them…That is my first obsession.

Let’s move on to the second. I bathe. Apart for the very obvious hygienic reasons, I bathe for the pure pleasure of it. At times when I am so bored and can’t think of anything else to do, I bathe. I also take bath if I am depressed or not in my usual spirits. The closed corners of the tub and the cover of the shower curtain give me an exclusive seclusion from the rest of the world when ever I want to disconnect. I like my water hot, scalding hot to be specific. I can stand in the shower for a very long time as long as the hot water trickles down my body keeping every cell warm and cozy. I stand with my back to the shower, my chin touching my chest and let the hot water fall on the back of my neck…It makes me say every time “Ooh la la…this is heaven on earth!!”. To me this is a highly refreshing and religious exercise that lifts my mind, body and spirit to a higher state. Please wait before you conclude this is the heights of insanity.

There comes my next obsession…I weep. Being very loyal to my sex, I do weep on almost all of the very obvious and predictable situations…But other than that, I weep, as a sort of cleansing myself. There are times when I lie down on my terrace, watching the moon. Untold emotions and anxieties rush in from the darkness and wells up my eyes. I am not always sad as one might think when I cry this way. Really, am not sad at all...and once I cry, I feel quite light and relieved. I could very well relate to a monsoon cloud dying to relieve itself as falling rain! Ironically I feel happy once I cry.

Are you still reading…?? Jeez you must be really obsessed with other peoples’ insanities…You are so insane…duh!!!