Once in a Blue Moon….

The last time I ever checked this space, I was living solo…living the wild life by my rules, enjoying the silence and being the boss….

2 years and 9 months later, here I pause and take a deep breath as I am writing this, the life has changed like a mixed up movie reel… The actors have aged and so have their character outfits…what was wild and insane has been replaced with delicate and mundane…The silence of solitude has given way to banal cries of the worldly chaos…Love and romance feels like a thing of the past…In the midst of this long run, as I stop momentarily, turn back and look at the dry leaves that has covered the path behind…all I can feel is the rhythm of the heart and the cold wind wiping the sweat off my forehead.

It was a good run, a pretty good run I must say…The American dream is blossoming slowly…with a rewarding and satisfying job, a roof over the head that I can call my own and the most precious bundle I ever held – the one with tiny little toes, a wiggly torso and an angelic face with the cutest smile looks up and calls me Mom…could I ask for any more…? Yet the missing star shall always remain the perfect one!

It is intriguing how the human mind always goes back to what we have consciously given up either by choice or lack of it…The more you make a good life, you also accumulate the ‘good old days’…the more you commit to some one, the more you want freedom…the more you walk away from something, the more you miss it dearly…the more power and responsibilities you seek and earn, the more you yearn for a simpler life…yet none of us would be happy or content if things never changed!

It a new year!A new beginning? Probably not….over the many years you come to realize that the only thing new about a new year is a calendar or a diary! Resolutions are often broken even before the first page of the calendar is flipped… For all practical purposes, for most of us, it is just another day…and for some of us it is a day with an acute hangover…Oh how I envy them!

What the New Year does bring, is an opportunity to reflect….the media, the books, the talk show hosts, they all spend the last few days of the year reflecting on the past 12 months. Everything is weighed on a balance one last time, juxtaposed against other similar events from the past and predictions about what future may bring.

And for those of us who have been busy running on the life track, it’s the time to pause and give respect to those pebbles you went passed unnoticed, those dry leaves you crushed under your feet, that occasional stranger who smiled back at you and the tiny little flower that stuck on your sleeve and has since then moved into your heart!

A bright 2010 that was indeed made special by a blue moon is beckoning all of us…Eager to know where the path is taking me on this track, I sprint forward…

All By Myself....

A social being, yes that is what we are…We, humans are social beings…We like to socialize; we like to be with people of the similar or likeable nature, genre, culture, cuisine, language. This was not just a pleasurable thing, but also a necessity.

But as time evolved, as we progressed, as we became technologically more and more advanced, we learnt how to be able to survive even if we are left all alone in a cocoon of our own for weeks or months at a stretch… I was in one such cocoon for the past one year. I don’t mean to say that I cut off all contacts I had with civilization all together and that I went to hibernate for one whole year hoping to turn into the neo age Valmiki. I was certainly not admitted in one of those high end rehabs to recuperate from terrible mental depression. I was just staying alone all by myself 5 days a week as my hubby moved out to a different city for work.

The regular expression I get from my friends and families about me staying alone is “Awwwhh…that’s so sad” “Oooh…How do you manage…?”, “Are you all right by yourself”…and the worst… “Can’t you just quit your job and go stay with your hubby cooking and cleaning for him?”

I politely smiled and tried to nod to most of the above people, except for the ones who asked the last question. I served them coffee with surf detergent in it, so that they never came back to my house…

Now that I have one full year experience of staying all alone in a far away country, I decree myself as qualified to blog about the 5 best things about being All By Yourself. If you look at it the right way, it is not bad at all…Read on if you were looking for the pointers…

1. Silence: The beauty of silence…the intimacy of silence, the depth of silence.. You need to be alone to experience this. When you are walking all alone on the streets and the wind blows lifting with it the fragile dry leaves from the road sides…have you listened to the quiet murmuring sound that those leaves make? When you are sitting in the park, have you listened to the chirping of the birds that merge with the tripping of the leaves from the tiny water fall near by… You need to be alone to experience these things.. When you lie on your couch and you flip through the television channels quickly, have you listened to the eerie silence that fills in the room? At times when you are back from work after a hard day, all you want is some silence and the need, not to explain things to some one why all you need is some silence…

The silence has so many different forms that I feel it has a personality of its own…if you give it the time, it can start talking to you, in silence !!

2. Be your wildest self: No matter how much of an open book you are, there will certainly be some pages that no one else, but you, can flip through in every person. You can be at your wildest self when you are all alone…The one thing that stops every one from putting forth your real self, is the fear of being judged… The fear is more if you don’t want some one you are close to, to judge you. When there is no one around poking their long noses into your personal business, you let yourself free… you can be in your grumpiest mood or you can sing your favorite love song at the top of your voice…without being concerned about whether or not you are hitting the right notes and beats…You can throw away your clothes and be naked if you want, or put on your best make up and take ever lasting classic pictures of yourself… You can talk to yourself in the mirror as much as you want and you can just cry your heart out without trying to explain to some one why you are crying…the list goes on…

3. You are the boss: Those who are used to planning and coordinating and communicating with various people and groups at work on a day to day basis, would agree with me how nice it would be to know that, for once even if you don’t plan anything, things will happen your way. You don’t have to communicate to or convince some one why you have the urge to do some crazy thing at a craziest of times…you can just go ahead and do it…

Cook if you want, don’t cook if you don’t want…go for a drive if you want, stay at home if you don’t want…go for shopping, walking, rent a movie, talk on the phone non stop, read blogs till late night, chat with old friends non stop, sleep on the couch with TV blaring loud, hog the entire bed and all pillows in he middle of the night, take the entire closet space, stay in the bathroom for hours perfecting your songs… you can do what ever you want with out being concerned about what or how it may affect some one else’s plans for the day or the evening.

Of course, I am not talking about taking any major life changing decisions being taken at the spur of a moment and moving ahead with it…I would still consult my entire family tree, the branches and the roots even, before doing any such milestone reaching things…but what I am more interested in, is the simple things in life…the things that give you immense pleasure at the cost of nothing…the things that you don’t want to spend your energy planning, talking, coordinating , convincing or compromising…You just want to do it, or not do it…for the pure pleasure of it….

4. Brings Clarity: I never thought I would be writing this…but yes, I feel that being alone gives you more time to self retrospection and bring more clarity to those things that were previously air brushed!

You priorities seem to get clearer, you start depending less on others to form and opinion about yourself…you develop the skill by which you can measure yourself to the exact micro meter and decide whether the way you have turned out is what you really want or not…As a person you start realizing and acknowledging the various things that are important to you, and important to those who are important to you. I agree that all of the above revelations is just a part of growing up and you would have attained them anyway even if you were living in a 20 member family or in a dormitory with 50 other persons around… So here what I am trying to say is, when you mentally learn to be alone, even if you are physically surrounded by a huge mob, you learn to think with better clarity and precision…

If not the fruit if the Bodhi tree, you would at least sniff some pollen from the precious flowers in the breeze…

5. To Miss and be Missed: Finally, being alone gives you a chance to miss the people you love and be missed…it is beautiful and painful at the same time…when you are away from home, away from the familiar faces, streets, scents, furniture, tastes…you realize how much you love them and how much you miss them…how much they were a part of you, though you probably would have denied it in front of public!!

Knowing that you are equally missed is also wonderful.. In a world where people are looking for constant re assurances of love and commitment, the realization that you are missed, loved and wanted says it all. It gives you the energy and motivation to go on…

Not to mention the joy of brief and occasional reunions… the fun, the laughter, the sharing, the food, the compromises, the fights, the tears …everything that you share with your loved one during that brief reunions adds so many more wonderful memories and warmth in your heart and it refreshes your soul….

This has become much more emotional than what I had wanted it to be…Let me tell you a secret…I had started writing this blog as a 10 pointers to being all by your self…but by the time I came to my third bullet, I knew I was running out of my best things list….

I guess I’ve had enough of staying alone for one whole year and now I am ready to go back being together with some one again…

Sealing my book of wild cards with a double lock I am back to the world of not being so All Alone again…. I think I will love it equally!!

Spring is around the corner.. New beginnings, new blossoms..!!

Have you ever returned to a place that you really loved, a place where you thought you belonged, a place that made you feel at ease…after a very very long gap and felt that strange chill in the back of your neck and a tumbling feeling in your stomach…? The familiar spots, colors, faces. They all try to strike a chord with you…But the intimidating strangeness that has engulfed your familiar surroundings mock at you….

Which way do you walk…? Do you take the safety of the once familiar routes or do you dare to venture the never before visited alleys? Do you revisit the once regularly visited spots and bow to the familiar faces or do you just march on as the new mysterious persona in town, arousing all passersby’s curiosity..? Or would you just sit at one corner not knowing what to do next and end up recollecting the old tainted pictures from your memory..?

This is exactly where I am right now and this is exactly what I am feeling right now…Its been more than a year I penned down anything creative…its been so long I have even visited my once favorite bloggers…and its been a very long time….And just like that I am here again…!!

Its been a good exile…with lots of good and a couple of not so good stuff happening with the life.. Nothing highly dramatic like winning the Big Brother show or anything highly rewarding like inventing a replacement for fossil fuels happened in my life… Just the regular stuff…more work and less work… one good visit back home and great time spend with family and friends…one more birthday… more shopping and more shopping…more photos and more photos, gifts, parties, dinners, ever growing credit card bills and a bunch of fights and yelling and being pissed off which I would group together as miscellaneous.

Every now and then the feel good factor of blogging, comes in…Just like the feel good factor of working out…which also apparently was in a terrible screeching halt for a while!! In an effort to convince myself with genuine reasons or rather excuses of not blogging , I question myself , why do I blog…?

No, am not questioning the essence of blogging, or why others blog…? I do understand and appreciate the talent and commitment shown by various people in keeping alive their blog, whether it is fictional, scientific, technology related, art , music or anything under the sky…but why do “I” blog…? Oh god, I am coming to hate myself for the very artificiality and hypocrisy that question resonates…I know why I blog…it is because I love words, I think, I think non stop, I love to combine my thoughts and put it into words and then read them as they come out…I like when others also read it…I love it when people appreciate…Oh I am no good sport…I get so pissed off when I get negative comments and sulk..

If I know all this I shouldn’t be even asking that question…Or may be I should I ask, why is it that I gave up blogging ? Lazy , busy, occupied with other stuff…yes to all…But also, somewhere down the lane, I started to hate the fact that I had started wanting to write not for myself but for those whom I think might be reading my blog….

Even worse, I started not to write certain things, thinking about those who might read it and feel offended…

I know that the reason why I started blogging was because I thought, hiding in the anonymity of this veil, I could write what ever came into my, exactly the way I felt inside. Let me admit, I am indeed a chicken!! But clearly, being the attention I seeker I am, i made sure almost every who knows me, knew about my blog…There goes the cover of my anonymity…A puff and a smoke …ashes remain….

Now, I arise from the ashes…is this a new phoenix…with a bolder, daring outlook?
Which way do I walk…? Do I take the safety of the once familiar routes or do I dare to venture the never before visited alleys? Do I revisit the once regularly visited spots and bow to the familiar faces or do I just march on as the new mysterious persona in town, arousing all passersby’s curiosity..?

That is something I have to wait, watch and see….

Wishing myself all the best in a new beginning….!!

While I was Sleeping….

Its been a long slumber. In the blogoshpere , a sleep this long is enough to declare you brain dead and as being in a vegetative state.. A few kind and loving passers by even stopped by to pray for my soul and place some chrysanthemums on my coffin…When they began to write me an eulogy, I scared them away by sighing heavily, rolling over to my right side and blurting some random rants in the sleep..

It was not yet summer when I slipped into my hibernation…It was still cold outside and I felt be warm and cozy nestling under the comforters;

I was too lazy to pull off the covers and wake and start doing what was I supposed to be doing...Instead I was in constant denial that the only reason for my not blogging was that I had to prepare myself for some higher challenges and glorious goals waiting ahead…

Four months and a season change later, when my eyes could no longer resist the bright rays of reality poking its lids, I slowly opened them ,sat tight on my bed, still clutching on to my blanket and began to examine the new world around me.

Have I transformed into a beautiful butterfly with vibrant colors splashed all over my wide fluttering wings? ‘The mirror mirror on the wall’ and the weighing machine that I always hated confirmed that I have gained a few pounds.. My strange food allergies have caused my left cheek to swell up noticeably , my once long hair has been cut short above my neck and the fading colors of red, brown, black and blonde on my hair looks like a group of butterflies have just emptied a load of water from their Laundromat on to my head!!

When the legendary sleeping beauty woke up from her long slumber, there was a charming prince standing next to her bed…But when I woke up, to my dismay, I realized that the only man I had managed to blind with love, cornered to propose me, recite the vows and dragged on my finger tip where ever I went, has managed to pack his bags and escape to a far away land…leaving me to semi-spinsterhood. Now before you start sending me condolence notes and may be marriage proposals from 35 year old widowers too…let me explain…we are still happily united in holy matrimony and all that cliché. The new status change is because Mr. MD got a better job neat the “Vah-Beach” and we have to stay separate during the week days as both of ours career ambitions and love for intellectual pursuits don’t let us to be a house-spouse. Yes, in the new world, you have to stay closer to the one who writes your pay checks!!

On further ruminations, I could see that my bank balance has become way to lighter than what I remembered it to be…My closet is filled with clothes bought on sale, half of which I am sure I will never wear again.. My refrigerator has become a junk yard for frozen and greasy pizza breads and chicken wings. The entire apartment requires an emergency squad to tidy it up. Unanswered mails, unreturned calls, unvisited blogs, unfinished books…The list is endless

On the positive side my credit history has been certainly building exponentially..(It should after all that shopping I do..!!) My friends, who went back to India indefinitely, came back to a place much closer. For my office work I got a sexy and sleek little gizmo that I proudly carry around 24/7. As Mr. MD and I see each other only on the week ends, the amount of fighting, arguments and yelling at each other has reduced considerably and all that has given way to routine movie goings, romantic dinners and quality time together

Finally, the whole guilt of not doing anything interesting for some time was washed off completely by one group visit to the Sin City- Las Vegas with a group of equally enthusiastic and up for any game friends…Four days full of drinks, foods, party, dance, clubbing, strip clubs and innumerous naked women later…I feel much rejuvenated and it is time to bid adieu to my vegetative state….

Blog world…Here… I re-enter!!!

Are We-Men Good Enough?

Yesterday I received a rather innocuous email forwarded by my friend. It came with a disclaimer “How to think like an M.C.P” and the story indeed portrayed how inane women are in comparison to men. I decided to give it the due neglect it deserves, but couldn’t resist forwarding it to a few good Samaritans who I knew would be jobless enough to appreciate enough!!

Just after a few ‘email seconds’, I received a reply from my good friend Mr. B. He, who proclaims himself as “Me De Man !!”, reveled at the wise content of the mail with a Mogambo like Muuuuaaahaaaha laughter. He stated that a recent research by a professor says that women are biologically inferior to Men in Scientific and Mathematical skills!! As Cartoons and PJs are the most controversy triggering topics du jour, I had to give his comment a befitting reply and thus a foray of emails were sent between the two of us.

Though both of us were indeed trying to score a point every time, some interesting thoughts did come up which I am glad to share with you. (I lost the first mail from Mr.B in this chain, but you still can understand the plot)

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From : Me

I believe it is foolish to compare two entirely different subdivisions of the same species because they are created for entirely different purposes.

We never compare a cuckoo with a nightingale or a panther with a cheetah. Even if we compare, it never boils down to a mere superior-inferior break down.

They are simply different and they have different purposes in life.

It doesn’t make sense for man and woman to have equal skills in everything because then the very purpose of having man and woman separate doesn’t make sense. Remember certain animals can change sex during the course of their life pro creational purposes. So It has to be with a reason we are created the way we are and I wonder which university would fund such professors to spend time on such researches. He should rather use his superior scientific brain to find permanent cure for aids !!

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From : Mr.B

My response below in blue.

I believe it is foolish to compare two entire different subdivisions of the same species because they are created for entirely different purposes.
It is not when one sub-division claims to and demands to be treated equal without proving themselves to be equal. If I claim to the world that everybody treat me equal to Einstein, then I have to prove that, else not claim or demand it.

We never compare a cuckoo with a nightingale or a panther with a cheetah. Even if we compare it never boils down to a mere superior inferior break down.
You are right, we shouldn’t compare a sparrow to a rabbit, but we sure compare a male rabbit to a female rabbit, if and only if the female rabbit claims the above point.

They are simply different and they have different purposes in life.
True.

It doesn’t make sense for man and woman to have equal skills in everything because then the very purpose of having man and woman separate doesn’t make sense. Remember certain animals can change sex during the course of their life pro creational purposes. So It has to be with a reason we are created the way we are and I wonder which university wud fund such professors to spend time on such researches. He shud rather use his superior scientific brain to find permanent cure for aids !!
I agree and not only animals, these days, even human beings are doing that. The university is Harvard itself and he is not just a professor but the president (not anymore) of Harvard. Instead of refuting his opinion by statistics and proof they simply seem to agitate. Alas they are women!!!

Link to the controversial news

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From : Me

I really do not have much knowledge of what the so called feminists claim to be or demand for. In fact I even feel they are one of the most misunderstood lots. I don’t even think any intelligent feminist would blindly say consider me as equal as a man…If at all she would, the context in which she might have said that has to be given due weight age.

Nevertheless, it is a known fact that discrimination has been and is being done on the basis of sex. Denying education, a good living and in many cases, even birth owing to your sex is gruesome.

I have often felt that people in the relatively upper strata, like us, often fail to understand the nuances of discrimination being done. But the true stories from a remote Indian village might paint a different picture that you might want to brood over.

Moreover, personally I would never argue to consider me equal to Einstein; Not even Madam Curie or Shakunthala Devi. But I certainly know that I can be better in certain job profiles than a lot other peer male/female members I have worked with. So if I “can” do a particular job better than some one else, just don’t discriminate because I am a female. Again, please don’t expect me to do a certain thing only in a certain way because I am a female. !! That is what I call a fair playing ground.

Quite often, human mind loses its rationality and once the mob psyche overtakes, the only thing they are capable of doing is agitate. This is true to both men and women. We have innumerous riots and violent attacks spread all over the history to prove this point- Lead by both men and women.
:)

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Our discussion stopped here. I am not sure if we both reached on the same page or if we just agreed to disagree. But I did take a look at the link Mr.B sent and from that I learnt that -
Mr. Summers was just expressing a suggestion at a conference on women and minorities in science and engineering. It was neither his research finding nor was he voicing the opinion of Harvard. Probably the guy just needs better coaching as to how to use his freedom of speech more sensibly on sensitive issues especially when he sits of hefty chairs.

As far as the agitation staged by women who felt offended, well it is natural to feel offended, but there certainly could have been a better way of doing it!!

10 Things Posted Bold On My Walls

1. Never give an advice unless it is Requested. You are denying yourself the opportunity to say ‘you asked for it!’- People will hate it anyway.
2. Never volunteer to take up a job that was Not assigned to you, especially if it was left unfinished and abandoned by a less competent person.
3. Never think you can perfectly understand a situation from some one else’s shoes. You have only one shoes and that is yours.
4. Never say Never. You most likely will end up doing the same.
5. Attitude implants are rejected by the brain in 99% of the cases (Courtesy - Calvin)
6. You have a right to be immature and stubborn when you choose to; It is unfair for one person to always pay the price for being the more matured one
7. Quit fooling yourself with the cliché “S/he is just like my own sis/bro”. The stress is on the word like. S/he never was , is or will be
8. Quit asking questions if you have no honest interest in the answers, what ever that may be.
9. If you have an emotional outburst to pen down something, do it immediately. The waves never reach the fort walls once the tide goes down.
10. Do not borrow some one else’s post it points.
    
    
    Current emotion: extremely pissed off, vexed and feeling lonely
    A Confession : I lied. I never posted them on my walls. They make the place look dirty.

An Ode to God's own country- Part 2

I love this song for it portrays a simple, but serene picture of the richness and diversity of the art, culture and folklore history of Kerala. The slightly difficulty classical notes adds to the grandiose of the song

For some reason we had to record the song in two parts. So please play the part 1 in the previous blog first if you want to enjoy the whole song in its fullness