Thursday, January 05, 2006

For the good old days of the past and for the joys of tomorrow..


Christmas and New Year seasons have to be the most wonderful time of the year as the famous song rightly puts it. In spite of the cold weather, people maintain a very high spirit and tend to be more kind, caring, loving and giving than ever. I wonder if it’s the hope that you will be judged and rewarded accordingly every time this year, that instigates this super nice syndrome in every one or is it just the happiness and joy of convivial togetherness that is reflecting in every action.

The one ubiquitous thing associated with any festival is the hype that comes with it. There is much hype about New Year during Christmas season. So Manoj and I went all the way up to the great New York City to witness the New York extravaganza on this Christmas Eve. There was indeed a maddening and highly disoriented crowd around the famous Rockefeller centre. The St. Patrick’s church was over booked and the entrance was closed long before the midnight mass. There was blinding colors and lights and a tsunami of people (seemingly tourists) moving around Time Square region. But other than that I found nothing amusing about the entire place. If we think logically, there is not a single day when New York is not crowded. There is not a single day when there are no lights or tourists in New York City. There is not a single day when the highly expensive shops in Fifth Avenue are not decorated efficaciously to lure the shopping fiends. Except for the huge Christmas tree at the Rockefeller centre there was hardly anything new about the place. I couldn’t help but compare this to the one week long Onam celebrations in my dear old Gods own country with extensive decorations stretching far and wide and non stop cultural, entertainment and dining booths present all over the palace ground. Nevertheless being at New York City for Christmas is a big deal in itself and I must admit that watching the adept ice skaters at the special ice rink in front of the Christmas tree at Rockefeller centre is a marvelous experience. I would have definitely tried skating there this time had I not been so ashamed of falling down a zillion times in front of a million people. So, contented with that we went back home promising to return next time as expert or at least decent skaters of course.

Having had an opportunity to compare the taste between hype and reality we were happy to have already booked tickets to go to Chicago to be with our friends for New Year instead of falling for the ‘New year ball drop at Time Square is the biggest thing in the whole wide world’ hype. Later reports from a few other colleagues of ours, who did fall for this bait, confirmed that our decision was right. On 30th December we flew to Chicago and were met at the airport by our very good friend Greeshma. Greeshma and Satheesh moved to Chicago from New Jersey and we have been missing their company ever since. We drove to their home in Naperville which is a pleasant and calm city with innumerous shopping malls around. The apartment was nice and as usual Greesh had kept it spick and span (much unlike me) and I enjoyed watching the way her creativity sparkled at every nook and corner of the house. But sadly I was having a slight fever that day and I was half doped on the antibiotics so all I could do as soon as I reached her home was to sleep for a while. Once I woke up I felt much better and was all set to rock. Satheesh was home from office after a while and Biju-Rehana joined us from St. Louis a little later. Now the real mood was set in of being home for holidays.

As typical of any holiday, we ate, drank and took lot of pictures. The star attraction of the group was Biju’s Canon SLR digital camera which made all of us look far more beautiful than we really are. All of us, especially the girls were giving their best poses and smiles in front of the lenses… Holidays are not just about having fun. It is also about telling others, ‘how much fun we had’ (probably more than you?) and giving proofs in pictures. So even if you just had a fight with your spouse, make sure you give a cheese in front of the cam!!



We still did not have a place to go for the New Year eves party. It was too late to get tickets for the one place we all had agreed upon. The various interests of the people made it even more difficult to find an agreeable place. Greesh n myself wanted a place with good dance floors preferably a Latin club. Manoj and satheesh wanted a place where there was an open bar. Biju and Rehana were blissfully free from most of the indulgence based vices and hence the decision had to be cost effective for tea totalers. Eventually after much confusion, accusations, phone calls and rejections we came across a club called Sangria which met all the required criteria and the tickets were booked online. So on Dec 31st we all decided to go to Chicago down town, around noon, to visit the main tourist spots of the city and from there go to the club later in the night.

Though the plans were all set, they were drastically altered as one of the ladies wanted to straighten her curly hair. She has nice shoulder length hair which falls into intricate curls at the end. I always thought it looked pretty. But she wanted to straighten it for the Big new year day and Murphy’s law was acting in full swing on her and this in turn took a very long time. I must say that she is an amazing perfectionist but sadly she doesn’t believe in the policy of a contingency plan and/or an alternate plan in anything. So she was bent on getting her hair straightened no matter what obstacles came up and she did succeed in it…How ever this made her pathee dev quite intimidated and the rest of the crowd was trying to be highly diplomatic in pacifying both of them so that we can all pose together with a cheese in front of the cam again!!

By night fall (It was just 4:30 pm, but the night did fall !!) we caught a train to Chicago down town. It was a one hour journey. So I got some time to wander in my thoughts. The train was moderately crowded. A good number of passengers were youngsters traveling to down town for the NYE celebration. Another section of the crowd seemed to be totally oblivious of the ‘importance’ of the day. Some of them were worn out from work, some of them had a painful concern in their eyes about their burdens, and some of them were way too less pretty to hang out in a club when compared to the rather sophisticated and highly made up gorgeous girls that occupied the majority of the seats. This made me wonder about the vanity of the being beautiful. Are we really beautiful or are we just as beautiful as what others think we are or even worse, what we think others think we are?

I did some personal introspection. I have reasonably beautiful eyes. But if I want to go for a special function, read as any gathering of people where I know I am going to be judged, I would not want to go without my colored contact lenses. I would never even think of going there wearing my thick glasses. Once my long nails got chipped just before a party and I got so frustrated that I stuck them back with a glue stick! A good friend of mine took pity on me seeing this and he brought me a couple of cosmetic attachable nails from US, which was not available in India at that time. Some one is hysteric about a bead in their bracelet facing the wrong side, some one is upset for the eye shades don’t gel well, some one is mad for their hair is frizzy and some one is furious for their shoes are one shade lighter !!! Not to mention the numerous ads for liposuction, augmentations, plastic surgeries and face lifts.

When it comes to the fairer sex, is their beauty all about following the standards set by the fashion icons through popular fashion bibles? Can we be really beautiful only if we have a size 4 body with a spotless glowing skin, green eyes, silky hair, well done nails, stunning clothes and matching paraphernalia? Have we lost complete confidence in the natural looks that our gene pool has blessed us with , that even stepping out of the house without doing considerable modifications on ourselves would become garish? Do we still believe that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder or is it long over written by the new phrase ‘beauty is very much within reach of only those with a good bank balance’?

A sudden out rush of people told me that we have reached Chicago down town. This is a beautiful city with closely packed high rising building. The architecture is very modern and highly creative. Even the buildings seemed to stress more on their appearance though I couldn’t understand what practical purpose would most of the protruding corners would serve any how? The chief attraction of the town is Sears Tower which is one of the tallest buildings in N. America. We went on top of it and had a very good view of the city. The lake shore drive around the city is also supposed to be very amusing just like its Navy pier. But we had to skip these two because of our time constraints and uncontrollable hunger. We were practically starving the whole day. So we rushed down. We met an Indian Cab driver and asked him directions to a nice Indian restaurant. Based on what he said we strutted 4 blocks in the chilling wind only to find a third class mafia style restaurant inside a congested alley and we ladies thought it was way too below our standard to step foot inside. So we walked again and eventually found a nice restaurant called ‘Athena’. I can’t quite remember what happened for the next one and a half hours as every one was busy ordering their dishes and hogging them generously. Once we were done with the dinner Greeshma and I headed to the rest room to change into our party wears.

The fashion bible says that girls in clubs have to wear partially revealing clothes which should mostly look as if the tailor forgot to stitch a couple of loose ends together. As we couldn’t walk in the chilling cold of down town in tattered clothes, we packed them in a bag, including our high heeled stilettos and made our husbands carry the bags so that we could change into them just before we go to the party. Also we had to put on some additional layer of colors on our faces to disguise our real selves. One lady who walked into the rest room while we were half way through our ‘hide your real self process’ thought that we work at the restaurant and we were changing from our uniforms to go out some were for the new year night!!

Once we were all set we got a cab and drove to ‘Sangria’ club for the big night. Despite the fact that we had VIP tickets which said we would not have to wait in a Queue to get inside the club, we were made to stand outside in the cold for about half an hour along with a bunch of others. Biju said this was a part of the publicity stunts by all clubs to make their club look to be in high demand. Once we got inside the club I found the place to be neat, though crowded. The management was still re arranging table to make space for the dance floor. The coat check in was not yet in place so every one was practically walking up and down disoriented. Manoj and Satheesh headed straight to the Open bar and spend most of their time there. Biju was kind enough to keep a watchful eye on the girls before we wander too far away. The DJ was not so impressive. He did play mixtures of Spanish-hip hop and bhangra songs. I and Greeshma danced sporadically. We even got hit on by a tall girl who was too eager to know all about Indians. But when her interest in us started getting too queer we politely excused ourselves from her. The night went on with occasional dancing, drinking, resting, ogling, comparing, ridiculing, criticizing and checking time every once in a while to know how much longer we have to be in 2005.

Finally the count down started. Thanks to the effect of the open bar the macho guys also decided to shed their macho ness and agreed to dance with us in the dance floor. They seemed to be more comfortable when they were in the dark corners of the dance floor where no one could clearly see what they are trying to do…Nevertheless, we all danced together and welcomed 2006 with the famous Auld Lang Song and blasting balloons that were dropped all over form the ceiling. We danced and spent time there a little longer and then headed back home.

All through the street there were drunken revelers mostly youngsters, at times fighting with each other and other times lost in love. We were too occupied trying to catch a cab to enjoy these live entertainments around us. Another one hour long train journey took us back to home. After spending some time reviewing the pictures of the day and making personal notes of how we can improvise the next day, we all crashed.

The First day of the New Year:

Satheesh and Manoj were very keen on skiing and they made the first resolution of the year that they both would wake up early in the morning and make the rest of us also get up so that we can go skiing to Wisconsin early enough !! But alas, the first resolution of the year was broken even before they could wake up on the first day of the year as no one was up before 10 a.m on that day. All of us were too lackadaisical from the previous nights hang over and it was 12 noon by the time we all got out of the house. We had a late brunch at the Wendy’s and then headed to the skiing area called Four lakes. This was a near by ski location with moderate mountains perfect for beginners. Greesh and I were not sure if we wanted to ski owing to the big falls we had last year. But Manoj and Satheesh were all set to go. We convinced Biju and Rehana also to put on the skis and in a few minutes all of us were in the snow walking, climbing, skiing, falling, yelling for help and laughing at each other!! The skiing as such was not as eventful as last years may be because most of us had become more adept and there were less ludicrous mistakes all through. Manoj and Satheesh had improved noticeable. Rehana was doing way too good for a beginner. Biju had this funny fluorescent blue cap with a pointy end that looks like there is a palm on top of his head waving at you…This gave his pictures a funnier twist and later he was indeed crucified by everyone. In return he targeted me as the victim and spread rumors that I shouted at a little kid on my way asking him to move from my trail and desperately shouted “Mooove Mooove…Mooovedaaaa” !!!

Just before we wound up the skiing, we all posed for pictures with poles. Biju a.k.a Mr. B was not yet done with making fun of me…so he posed for the picture with an expression as if he is skiing into the mouth of a hungry tiger and claimed that’s how I looked like when I was skiing. But unfortunately for him he did not even have his skis on his feet and it looked highly funny to see some one standing on the snow on his two solid boots with full grip and looking as scared as a little mouse trying to yell for help…The picture was made even more hilarious as Satheesh and Manoj were looking at all this ‘Tamasha’ and laughing at him for his Oscar winning performance…Sadly the rest of world will not get to see this picture of the year as Mr. B smartly deleted it off all the system before we could make any more copies of it.

That night, under Rehana’s and Greeshma’s leadership we had sumptuous Malabar cuisine dinner with ghee rice, chicken and all. Greeshma’s friend Priya also joined us. She is a bubbling packet of energy and never gets tired of talking. We had long talks, interesting discussion, belly aching laughs in the company of light champagne !!

The next day it was time to say good bye. Manoj and I headed home first. The parting was sad, but we are hopeful to re unite some where again, very soon indeed

For auld lang syne, my dearFor auld lang syne,We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yetFor auld lang syne!

Happy New Year wishes to all….!!!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Touche !!

A good Friend of mine once sent me the following forward “Technical Help Required Subject:

UPGRADE PROBLEM

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.Please help! Thanks, A Troubled User. (KEEP READING)

REPLY: Dear Troubled User: This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Best of luck, Tech Support

With regards Tech Support”

He then asked me to develop a counter reply for the same…And thus I came up with this !!

Socio Labs’ Special News Letter on Wife

This special new letter is intended to answer and document a few of the frequently asked questions posed by the clients of Wife software. To stat with, it is very important for the end client to have the back ground knowledge of this software to effectively work with it.

The History traces back to Eden Garden Laboratory where the greatest programmer of all times first booted his highly evolved and sophisticated biological ensemble and named it Man.. Various tests were done on the first man to evaluate and rate his performance. It didn’t take long for the creator to analyze the test outcome. Later generations who studied those test results saw this in the remarks page.
“I can do better “ Sd God …and He created woman!!!

The outcome of the second project undertaken has been voted as highly successful and the same has remained as a constant source of driving power, motivation and inspiration for all projects undertaken and developed henceforth. We at the socio labs have developed various software to aid man lead a better life, as it has been proved impossible for him to lead one such, solely on his own capacity. One of our very popular software Bachelor is widely run on all systems. The Bachelor software comes with default programs embedded in it, that starts executing over a period of time. These are Blind love, Peer pressure, Society, Mother, Urgent need for a rich father in law, plain Stupidity etc. All these programs if run for long will affect the emotional and financial disks of the system. There by the only choice left for the Man is to install the highly powerful, efficient and complex software Wife. This product is also known as “better half” as by the time this software is installed the other half of the system would have already degraded to an irreversibly lost state and this would be the only half that’s good to function.

Having mentioned about the history of the wife software let us move on to discuss the various Salient features of the same and why man has never succeeded even partially, let alone fully, to understand the nuances of installing and running wife successfully. Each client installation of wife is unique in its own way and hence the only way to fully understand the various features is by having a clean server with ‘dedicated commitment’ in the configuration. But still having a basic knowledge of the most common features should surely help you in the initial stages at least.

The main feature of this software is that the man will come to know about each and every special feature of it only when it starts executing and makes itself profusely evident. As the man obviously lacks understanding skills, we never spend time to provide a technical or functional manual along with the product owing to the extremely low level of comprehending skills that men have in the language of ‘emotion’ in which we prefer to print it . The only version we have ever published, the wife1.0 manual has become obsolete .So instead of updating it, we donate an amount equivalent to the expenditures that would have incurred in such a manual making process to the “Reality-Men network”, instituted by the leading women of our society, that researches on finding out new and effective ways of using men as stooges to run the world by giving them the feeling that they are running it on their own. Various reality shows are daily on Television under the title of “News” for the amusement of the women that shows how miserably the men goof up when ever they are let to be on their own.

Unlike the rest of the software that we have promoted, wife requires constant human interaction to always have a clear monitor. Taking too much time off from wife for third rated, black market games such as cricket, cigarette, cards, booze, golf, fishing or news paper can make the monitor go bizarrely dark , blur and might even go into a non stop screen saver mode with wild alien creatures appearing to poke the users nose with their highly electromagnetic nasal swords. Hence we would highly recommend the user to be judicious with third party games as it takes a lot of space of the financial and chronic disk to fix this screen saver mode situation..

There is an apocryphal remedy that men usually use in such situations. That is to run ‘apologize’ command every now and then hoping the ever bounteous wife would reconcile. But please be informed that unless you have the supporting ‘Honesty’, “credibility” and “consistency” files executed previously in the history, the frequent running of apologize would only make matters worse. As these are not freeware, only very few men manage to get them and they are not available in market easily. Exclusive member privileges will be sent to you for this program only if you successfully decode the ‘Character8.8’ puzzle available in the Mr. Right website. It is indeed disappointing to note that many men fail to realize that new generation wife software, though it supports all of the popular features such as coffee, clean, cook, sweep etc, unlike the before 1.5 versions, it does not come with cent percent auto execute feature. They have been modified to suite the “equal partners” logic and hence you need to make sure that the load is equally shared.

As a good note, the software if licensed, does share the load of your ‘bill payments’ every month. The newer 9i plus versions also demand a certain amount of free disk space commonly known as “personal space” and it’s never advisable to write your personal code in that reserved slots. As a concluding note we would like to add that with a fastidious and perseverant approach the interfacing with the wife can be very much pleasurable and profitable. We wish you a happy married life!

-Compiled by Aparna Menon

Friday, December 09, 2005

NO more Excuses.

I’ve been thinking of starting my own blogspot since the day I started visiting blogs, almost a year back … Oh but I had to wait till I get enough ‘exposure’ to the blog world..(Or was that enough material to mix and match from rather highly blessed bloggers?). So I started visiting a lot of good blog sites and book marked my favorite authors.

I couldn’t resist the idea of me being there in the open and proclaiming my thoughts and arguments loudly and boldly to the world with utmost confidence and conviction… But indeed I had to polish my writing skills a lot more before I expose it to public scrutiny…Well, I have been religiously updating my vocabulary with the help of online free dictionaries and noting down ‘quotable quotes’ that I come across

I even resumed my extensive reading habits, which was lost somewhere during my abhorring ‘Engineering Entrance Exam’ preparations. C’mon, if I am going to make comments on important issues such as global warming and nuke deals, I cannot not afford to be a Charlatan!

I love to read the interesting anecdotes and well written passages full of witty humor and striking cynicism. But where do ‘I’ get the material for such a write up…well, my indeed had been and still is much more eventful than most of the people I see around me…So I should be able to write interesting chronicles. I even doodled down a few narratives of my multi chromatic and eventful life

But how can I write a blog when I don’t have a computer of my own at home? The only laptop we have at home is monopolized by my husband and I cant be blogging from office…Well…there came a DELL deal on laptops and that made me a laptop owner too !!

Now, where do I get the time. I have to work during the day and once I reach back home I cannot miss even a single “Disney channel original series” show, I have to watch all the latest celebrity gossips and then relax the stress with F.R.I.E.N.D.S and settle into a romantic sleepy mood with Sex and the City……Why are you smirking? Okay I get the point…Thanks

So after much procrastinations and ad nauseating excuses, I realize that my entry to the blog world is just a click away….and here I Am!!!!