UPGRADE PROBLEM
Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.Please help! Thanks, A Troubled User. (KEEP READING)
REPLY: Dear Troubled User: This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Best of luck, Tech Support
With regards Tech Support”
He then asked me to develop a counter reply for the same…And thus I came up with this !!
Socio Labs’ Special News Letter on Wife
This special new letter is intended to answer and document a few of the frequently asked questions posed by the clients of Wife software. To stat with, it is very important for the end client to have the back ground knowledge of this software to effectively work with it.
The History traces back to Eden Garden Laboratory where the greatest programmer of all times first booted his highly evolved and sophisticated biological ensemble and named it Man.. Various tests were done on the first man to evaluate and rate his performance. It didn’t take long for the creator to analyze the test outcome. Later generations who studied those test results saw this in the remarks page.
“I can do better “ Sd God …and He created woman!!!
The outcome of the second project undertaken has been voted as highly successful and the same has remained as a constant source of driving power, motivation and inspiration for all projects undertaken and developed henceforth. We at the socio labs have developed various software to aid man lead a better life, as it has been proved impossible for him to lead one such, solely on his own capacity. One of our very popular software Bachelor is widely run on all systems. The Bachelor software comes with default programs embedded in it, that starts executing over a period of time. These are Blind love, Peer pressure, Society, Mother, Urgent need for a rich father in law, plain Stupidity etc. All these programs if run for long will affect the emotional and financial disks of the system. There by the only choice left for the Man is to install the highly powerful, efficient and complex software Wife. This product is also known as “better half” as by the time this software is installed the other half of the system would have already degraded to an irreversibly lost state and this would be the only half that’s good to function.
Having mentioned about the history of the wife software let us move on to discuss the various Salient features of the same and why man has never succeeded even partially, let alone fully, to understand the nuances of installing and running wife successfully. Each client installation of wife is unique in its own way and hence the only way to fully understand the various features is by having a clean server with ‘dedicated commitment’ in the configuration. But still having a basic knowledge of the most common features should surely help you in the initial stages at least.
The main feature of this software is that the man will come to know about each and every special feature of it only when it starts executing and makes itself profusely evident. As the man obviously lacks understanding skills, we never spend time to provide a technical or functional manual along with the product owing to the extremely low level of comprehending skills that men have in the language of ‘emotion’ in which we prefer to print it . The only version we have ever published, the wife1.0 manual has become obsolete .So instead of updating it, we donate an amount equivalent to the expenditures that would have incurred in such a manual making process to the “Reality-Men network”, instituted by the leading women of our society, that researches on finding out new and effective ways of using men as stooges to run the world by giving them the feeling that they are running it on their own. Various reality shows are daily on Television under the title of “News” for the amusement of the women that shows how miserably the men goof up when ever they are let to be on their own.
Unlike the rest of the software that we have promoted, wife requires constant human interaction to always have a clear monitor. Taking too much time off from wife for third rated, black market games such as cricket, cigarette, cards, booze, golf, fishing or news paper can make the monitor go bizarrely dark , blur and might even go into a non stop screen saver mode with wild alien creatures appearing to poke the users nose with their highly electromagnetic nasal swords. Hence we would highly recommend the user to be judicious with third party games as it takes a lot of space of the financial and chronic disk to fix this screen saver mode situation..
There is an apocryphal remedy that men usually use in such situations. That is to run ‘apologize’ command every now and then hoping the ever bounteous wife would reconcile. But please be informed that unless you have the supporting ‘Honesty’, “credibility” and “consistency” files executed previously in the history, the frequent running of apologize would only make matters worse. As these are not freeware, only very few men manage to get them and they are not available in market easily. Exclusive member privileges will be sent to you for this program only if you successfully decode the ‘Character8.8’ puzzle available in the Mr. Right website. It is indeed disappointing to note that many men fail to realize that new generation wife software, though it supports all of the popular features such as coffee, clean, cook, sweep etc, unlike the before 1.5 versions, it does not come with cent percent auto execute feature. They have been modified to suite the “equal partners” logic and hence you need to make sure that the load is equally shared.
As a good note, the software if licensed, does share the load of your ‘bill payments’ every month. The newer 9i plus versions also demand a certain amount of free disk space commonly known as “personal space” and it’s never advisable to write your personal code in that reserved slots. As a concluding note we would like to add that with a fastidious and perseverant approach the interfacing with the wife can be very much pleasurable and profitable. We wish you a happy married life!
-Compiled by Aparna Menon
